On these blogs I spill out my heart and soul and let you into my thoughts, Into my feelings, My life, My pains, Sorrows, angers, and much more. This blog may be kinda all over the place.... may touch on all of these. If its too random I'm truly sorry but this is just the true me. I am but one and i will always be just me. Real inside and out, On and off game. Nothing will ever change that.
I'm a strong willed person for the most part. I stand my ground and I dont back down from most of anything. But at the same time.. I'm Weak as hell. I listen to things people tell me way too much and I let these things get to me, which causes me to cut ppl out of my life. Pull away from those I care for. Yea, maybe it is for the best. Maybe I should have pulled away from certain people a long ass time ago... but i miss them people.. I used to laugh with these people. Used to cry with them, scream, act a fool. Used to just have fun. People come into your life for a reason. To help u grow, to teach u lessons, its up to u on whether or not that path with them comes to and end or not. Its up to u to be stronger than the weak minded and keep these people in our life. No one should be able to make decisions for you, or convince u that the decisions that u make are the wrong ones. No one should have the ability to make the choices in your life for u. Time to wise up, Char, Because this shit makes u weak.
My life is pretty simple for the most part. I'm 32 about to be 33 (yes i kno im old) a single mother of a 4 year old beautiful lil girl. I go to college. But I have my own. I have my own apartment, so wut its in the jects, its mine and i pay my own fuckin bills. I have my own car that I pay the insurance for and the payments on. I have my own, and thats more than wut most can say. Talk abotut me all u want just means you are thinking of me... Which is a sign of jealousy. Want wat I have? Too bad u cant have it. Want to be like me, You will never be. Youll always sit there downing me for what I look like while most of you are living in someones basement or still at your moms. Half of u have to sit in McDonalds just to get the internet. So therefore, what ever u say about me is irrelevant and void for the most part. So What I dont look like the woman of your dreams, Bet u 10 times outta 10 im betta personality wise than any of these random fake broads that u fuccs with. Bet I know how to take care of home given the chance. You look at me as Someone youd never date. And thats fine, Because by you being shallow shows me that Id never want to be with you anyways. You look at me and say oooo shes old, but turn around and be up someones ass thats the same age as me. Hmmmm lil weird huh? Who cares in all actuality, Your loss is someone elses gain, but one day you will learn that looks alone will not make u happy.
i have many pains in my life. Ive loved and lost many times... Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all right? Bullshit!!! Id much rather had never loved at all than to feel the pain of heartbreak. I've felt so much pain in my life that it pains me to even think of it now. Between losing ones that I love so dearly to the heavens to having my heart ripped out by someone I loved so much I would have walked thru the depths of hell just to carry them back home safely.Thing is, Women truly love... Men just love the fact. Women fall harder than men i believe and in my case I love way harder than most. Once your in my heart your there forever. No matter how bad u hurt me. No Matter what u did to hurt me. No matter the things u say about me. Imma still love and care about u at the end of the day and thats real shit. I dont have time to hate. Life is way too short to give one person that much of my time and energy. I give them that much of me i dont have time for the one that so deserve it. So let them keep talkin about me... then i kno im doing something right.
I miss him. I miss his kind words, the sound of his voice, the times we shared together, the laughs, the jokes, and all the fun. I miss his kiss, his touch, his hugs. I miss all of him. All the good and the bad. I miss knowing that no matter wut i wanted to talk about hed be the one there to talk to me. I miss us. I miss the cuddles, the talks, Just having him. I miss the fun. I miss alot of things but what i miss the most is the fact that he could make me smile no matter wat. I wish I could have been all he wanted me too be, All that he desired but guess what? I wasnt. And i never can or will be. I Cant be fake and superfical, I cant be skinny and perfect. We're all taught that were allowed to love who we want, but then we turn our baccs on the ones that love us. We are taught that we can do watever we want, but when we do wut we want people talk shit about us and turn their backs on us. I'm not the failure. You are for having to be so fake and shallow that you can see the true beauty within me without worrying about wat others have to say and by not being able to be your own person.
(Im being rushed to finish this) -coughs Rachelle!-
Anyways, I know how wonderful I am. I know what type of woman I am. I know that I love More people than others will ever love in a lifetime. I know that once your in my heart youll always be there. If you cant accept that in me then im truly sorry. (not really) Its not like its gonna change the fact that I am wonderful, beautiful inside and out, and that alone is more than you will ever be able to accomplish. I am but human, I have my flaws, as does anyone, but me, unlike most, Am able to admit that I am far from perfect. So once you can obtain that ability that realize that you have as many if not more flaws than me maybe then you will open your eyes and realize its not wut people think of u. its not wut ppl say about u, its how u truly feel about yourself.
And wit this being said. Im out :) Hope u enjoyed it! :)
