Feeling............

Ever felt all alone in the world unless someone needs something from you? Maybe its just the holidays but i think i just came to the sick realization that I'm being used in so many damn ways and I'm the one that has sat around and allowed it to happen. Hell if someone was to do for me what I do for so many, I'd sit around and let them do it too... I'm so ignorant ugh! I sit and do so much for so many and half the time i hardly even get a ty... I'm never told I'm appreciated from those I feel I need to hear it from. And the ones I do hear it from don't even owe it to me. Then when ppl are done getting what they want from me its like the next day I don't even matter. ROFL Maybe its me and I'm Exaggerating a bit. Maybe its because the holidays is so near and I'm missing my niece more and more everyday. Its been 14 years since she was killed but it doesn't make each day without her any easier. Or Maybe its the fact that I do so much for so many and shit. I sit and open my heart to those who don't even deserve it. That don't appreciate it, but then when I turn into an evil bitch that only does for herself I'm wrong right? Well in the days to come right at the holidays and all I might just go back into fuck u mode.... It may be wrong to some but I'm so tired ya'll. My mind body soul and even my heart is wore out. I give my all to ppl that don't deserve and ounce of me. Which makes me over look the ones that deserve my all. I fall hard, I hate that I'm like that and its a hard thing to break, mostly because I don't know where to even begin, don't know where to go next with this shit. Everyone who knows me knows I am a very strong minded and strong willed person. But I'm weak over a man that doesn't even deserve my weakness. Weak over a man that doesn't appreciate me, doesn't even care about me. If I was to disappear off sl half of u reading this wouldn't even notice, or even care for that matter. The ones that would notice, would call or summin.. But as far as the ones that i give my all to and my heart to  that I wish nothing but the best for and wish I could just express to them how I feel about them and it would all go back to the way it was. I wish someday's I could cover my heart and he wouldn't be in it anymore. Yes, I love this man, and I shouldn't. You can't help who u love that's the truth fasho. He has a hold on me, Like someday's I want to just walk away and heal myself, other days I just love being around him. I have fun with him, but at the same time I've realized, You never know what you've got until its gone, and once I'm gone that's when A LOT of people will realize that this woman right here, did more for them than any one else. So now I'm fadin in the black and becomin scarce to those who don't deserve me.